Hey I'm really sorry to hear this. ((Hugs))
Welcome also I've not seen you before.

I think the good news is you see your behaviour for what it is now.
Are you in therapy to help with the BPD?

Don't give up on hope. There is ways of making a mends.
I don't know how old your children are, but if there younger in time as adults, maybe you could explain your illness and they may just understand.

I hope and pray so much that you find away and get to see you children again.

Be strong ((hugs))