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Does it sometimes feel like multiple parts of yourself are fighting with each other?
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Yes, but in a different way from your experience. For me it's more like situational insecurity about getting a positive result. I know I
sometimes feel guilty or anxious when I try to be assertive, and sometimes feel like people I admire in some way are too good for me, for example.
I believe many people have insecurities and inner conflicts like ours.