I know it is hard but please try to not give in. I can assure you that it doesn't get any better when you give in. The obsessions get worse. The worries about putting on weight get worse. And your health is going to suffer further.

I know how hard it can be but there can be a day when you won't have to worry so much about the rules - that they won't control you. Keep thinking of that day. Please hang in there. Rely on those around you that will support you as hard as it can be - your dietician, therapist and people here. Think about what you would be throwing away. Is risking your health worth it in the long run? The hiding, restricting, secrecy? You are doing well to get to here. And that shows amazing strength.