Fuzzy said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
How people who were abused..... become abusers.

How people who were rejected..... reject others.

Isn't that part of what most of us are here for? To try to break those ugly cycles?

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<font color="blue">Fuzzy, while I don't believe your hypothesis would hold up in a real debate, I do understand how you could draw those ideas from life observation.

There are a myriad of factors that must be considered when arguing this premise. What occurred, at what stage of life, whether there was previous abuse, whether there is family belief/support for the victim, and indeed whether the victim developed PTSD from the abuse.

Now...on to what I think you are trying to portray... Yes, I do see a lot of abuse displayed/shared even here on PC. Many ppl might think only in black and white regarding being abused and abusing others. What I look at is how someone treats herself, also. Someone who has been abused might not lash out at others, for fear of retaliation and more abuse, but might very much engage in self harming techniques.

Even if not a physical type of abusing, someone who has been abused and has not regained any real self esteem might not feel worthy of good things, and thus neglect taking care of herself, denying good things in life to herself. Someone might not eat right, or make sure they sleep well, or she might even find jobs that are demeaning as an attempt to reenact the abuse she inherently internalized.

Depending upon how one reads statistics will depend upon where one lands on this thought of the abused becomes an abuser. I have read that most abusers were abused themselves. But that can't be read the same as most abused become abusers. (Though, as I stated above, if all of the consequences of abuse are taken into account, someone does become abusive to a point, imo.)

Sometimes ppl who were abused, abuse themselves by reaching out to others in an extreme way, overdoing, trying to make others like them, giving gifts and time without regard to their own true needs.

Now the idea that all those who were rejected also reject others... I'm not nearly as sure as that.

Again, logitudinal studies prove that it depends upon many factors, a main one being at what point the abuse/neglect happened, what stage of learning and if it was countered with good family support and understanding.

IMO we all felt rejection as children (and indeed continue to notice it as adults!) We were unprepared to handle it as children and had to learn self care when it happened. If it were a parent rejecting, then the outcomes could certainly be rejection of everyone and everything loving (or supposed to be loving.) Or, it could develop a loving nature, one that refused to hate or reject as they were.

Most all of the members here are here for self help, and many more are here to help with a family member or friend.

Now that I've written a mini book for you... let me say it more succinctly: Yes, it's man's nature imo to treat others the way he is treated. It takes knowledge to realize what is truth, and wisdom to act accordingly.

((((fuzzybear)))) Please don't delete your posts without saving them! I want to read what you have to say, and how you think