Well, you wrote clearly that "she is beautiful smart funny she is just everything I ever hope to find in a woman". So she is what in economics would be called "first best". Women someone dubbed "unattached" on here were probably "second best" or "third best". You went for "first best" - the highest return. With the highest return, as a rule, comes the highest risk. You understand that as well. Quoting you: "ain't love about taking risk?" You are willing to pay the highest price, in terms of risk, in order to have a chance to win the highest return. That is your story in economic terms. And, you are completely rational and mature in how you make your choices. Your understanding of the risks involved is especially mature.