ok - these are my thoughts now. I know that he'll never let me get the guy out of my life. I am compelled to see him and go to the movies or out to lunch with him. He is a friendly sort and interesting. I enjoy our visits on a friendly level. The only shred of control I have is that I don't have to sleep with him. As long as I am able to extract that truth from the situation, I believe that I can exist like this. My husband has other attributes and has been good to me during our 32 years of marriage. He's a good father and husband. These factors keep me in the marriage. I just keep considering the positive things and that keeps me going. No mariage is ectsatic 100% of the time. I am in counseling and I have an appointment today. I am going to run this thinking by him today. Thank you all again for your input.