Another great expression of your mixed feelings, dubblemonkey! By the way, folks do care. Maybe you aren't bothered when people don't respond, but I think sometimes they don't because they are overwhelmed with your ability to express these feelings. I'm glad you have a way to get them out.

Its good you dont "go brutal", but bottling stuff up can lead to even greater problems. Eventually, you'll crack and who knows what the consequences will be...

Monkey whats the half way point to me ???? seriously look it up, and I will met ya there

what can someone possibly say to that.

I know that I've been there
I exist there for prolonged periods too

when that desperation comes out in the form of repulsive energy. affecting everythign around you like a depression would, attaching it's own meaning onto everything.....

dude! it hurts but you have to let it be better.

this bad place is predictable and you know what to expect.
but going away from it, and I know it's not by choice, is very hurtful and scary.

it is for me.

it leaves me so vulnerable.

but that is how we get truly strong.

I often feel that I am a repulsive waste and I remember growing up knowing that I was different and that I would never ever fit in. that something was wrong with me an that i was defective from the others and that I should just be dead. it made sense back then and it makes sense today if I let it.

mabyee I am borderline as well.... but to scared to let pdoc go there. who knows, all I know is that I get it.