this forum is partly about communication. my problem is that doesn't work with my brother. since early childhood he has been emotionally and verbally abusive to me. this carried forward in our adult life. he is 67 and i am 65 now. some examples-if i am in the same room with him he doesn't acknowledge i'm there. he purposely gives me no eye contact. he also will interupt a conversation i'm having with someone and take the floor. my granddaughter was brave enough to go up to him and ask, why are you so mean to my grammy.
recentlly he emailed me and said "you are a vile, angry and miserable person to be around." when i just don't read an email from him -it's too hard for me to deal with his pleasure in making me upset-he bombards my mailbox with subsequent emails. he speaks ugly of me to my siblings.
what i once thought was sibling rivalry has gone far beyond that. he tries to drive a wedge between me and my adult son. everyone thinks he is unreasonable in their relationships with him but no one calls him on it. his friends say, we like cal in spite of himself. everyone is stepping on egg shells. one never knows when he will strike.
i've come to the sad conclusion it is what it is. well i did that years ago. i avoid family gatherings most times when he attends. he embaresses me in front of others there. they are uncomfortable too but the pink elephant in the living room/his distain for me- is never brought up. his personality scares them yet they have a relationship of sorts with him.
i see him as a bully when it is in regards to me.
as children the same applied. an example of it was this-i had to go into his room about something. he angrily said, get out of my room. i don't want to breathe your air. i've never forgotten that cause there were so many times he did things like this. as a teenager he pushed me down the stairs. it was only when my father came home that it was believed as truth. my brother denied any wrongdoing. i had a black bruise from my upper thigh to my knee. i showed it to my father. my mother had ignored my plea for help when the incident occured. i was terrified.
my problem is this-how do you protect yourself emotionally? i feel like he wishes to be as ugly as possible to me. to make me cower. when i send him some family info, including a death in our family, he just forwards it back to me.
why?why? why? i understand the psychological meaning of this but my problem is not knowing how to not feel so depressed when he attempts to make me miserable. i don't believe i'm giving him the power cause i avoid him. it's not a comfortable situation for me. so i distance myself from him whenever possible. somehow i think that also gives him pleasure..me excluding myself. he knows he's pushing me away from everyone else!
yesterday an incident occured. i don't know why i never posted this before.
comments, please, of a solution for me. i am angry of his treatment towards me but i stuff it and get depressed. there seems to be no healthy solution other than what i've already done. i would love to confront him about this and be done with it but it would only give him nore ammunition.
sorry for the long post. i feel i 'vomitted' up some of the pain.