I'm sorry that your mother crushed your spirit this way. I think you would benefit from the thread sticky posted at the top of the Psychotherapy Forum..the ten common cognitive distortions. Ok, even if what you are saying isn't exactly the way it happened...it's in the past. NOW what would you want? HOW do you wish things to be now. WHO do you wish to be now? You have an opportunity to redesign yourself, especially with having a T to guide you!

Things that are in the past cannot affect us once we learn how they are making us feel in the present. You are learning those things. Soon your future will take on a desireable shape. Good wishes!