It sounds like he has had a lot of resentment towards you and chosen to hang onto it all these years,IMO. It is hard to change your emotions from his behaviour because he is "pushing the buttons" to keep things the way he prefers. It's difficult to let go and let a higher power take control when your negative feelings arise. That you are able to express yourself about it is positive. It shows that you are ready to try to get over his attitude towards you.
I have not been in such a situation as you, so I can't offer you advice that will be effective.I don't if a T would be helpful for you, but it's an option to consider.

Take care.