Thank you all. That's the dilema... suicide solves nothing other than making the pain go away. I'm tired of being in pain, hurting, wishing, wanting.... I don't want to die, but living doesn't seem to have much to offer me. I want things to change but unable to make the changes happen, not knowing what or how to change.

I know it's been a while. I stayed away 'cause all I could think of was going away. I'll just drown in my sorrow alone, as usual. A while back ago I started a blog. A journal more like, really. The link is below if anyone wished to read it (or in my profile). I plan on adding to it more regularly than I have in the past. Trying to use the tiny gift of writing for good. I hope my stories get happier, but there's so much sadness in my life, I don't even know if that's possible. I don't care of no one reads it... I just hope I remember that I wrote it (after the ECT's my memory's failing me more than usual... conversations, etc).

Again, thank you... for being blunt, for caring, for commenting. I feel so incredibly alone and misunderstood and you all have shown so much caring... it's overwhelming. Even if I don't check in as often as I should. For once in a long time, I actually feel cared about. Thank you!!

http://watsnthename.blogspot.com/