i think what made me angriest about the whole thing, though, was feeling forced to dissemble. i am pathologically honest. i never lie or fake anything, unless i feel there is a risk of breaching the prime directive. and this was a definite risk of that, so i felt like i had to just camoflauge myself, disguise myself, pretend to pass for something i'm not. my real self, i want to talk all the time and tell everyone about the visions i have and what S. does with me and my Guardians and everything .... but you don't tell that kind of thing to those who would use it to hurt you so i had to just keep my mouth clenched shut, i could barely speak and when i did it was just really simplistic answers and going along with their game ..... and that makes me feel like i was forced to betray MYSELF, which really hurts.