@fleeingbellocq I read your entire post and just started crying. I'm not diagnosed with bpd, or anything at the moment, but when i read that I realized how it sounds exactly like me. Suddenly raging over something, unable to control it, then just shutting down. I know I was being uncontrollable, but I never apologize because I know it will happen again. And often when I am saying these cruel, hurtful things I can see that I'm also wishing that they'd stop me and comfort me because I'm not going to stop myself. But I guess they're usually so in shock that they don't even think about doing that. Thank you for the post.