I am sorry you are hurting. Trust me if you killed yourself it would affect your children more than you can imagine. It would affect them for the rest of their lives.think how hard it is for you because your mom ignores you imagine how abandoned they would feel. Sorry not trying to make you feel bad. I know it is hard to see a way out when we are depressed. Have you gone to a hospital seen if you could be seen maybe they could help you with meds and a therapist.