A month ago, my teacher stopped to talk to me during class.
She told me I was here doing the work physically, but stopped being here mentally.
That's how I feel in school now, I'm feeling complete apathy for the people in school and the school work. I'm content to just get by to get over high school already.
I spoke to some therapists (fyi I am depressed) and I'm trying to be happy and do things that make me feel happy, (and it seems to work) but I have another hurdle to jump.

I always kind of feel as if I'm a failure and I'm not doing the best I can.
Its hard for me now, because my dad is pressuring me to end with a bang and get all a's for college or whatever, but I'm doing just the opposite and I don't want to hear his mouth -_-

I applied to cooper union and I did the best I could, but I feel as if I'm not going to be accepted because some rich white kid was slightly better than me. I feel as if the admi sions people are going to find some excuse to deny me, even though I have evrything in my favor.

Putting all the rest of the story aside, I just feel empty again. And its the worst its ever been. I love to draw and I have things I love to do, but I can't really enjoy them without being overly obsesed with them.
I'm getting way behind on schoolwork and I don't care `^´

I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just would like to get this off my chest and would like to ask PC'ers about any suggestions or excersies to help me reverse this mentality.
I blame my father, b/c I know I have talent but I feel as if I'm not god enough fr him or anyone, including myself.

Thank you for reading.