Elisa, inpatient you would see other people equally or more sad than you are, and that would give you a perspective. I remember how I met a depressed former architect when inpatient. He had absolutely nothing situational. Nothing. His good-looking blonde wife came to visit him every day, with children in tow. Other relatives came. He used to be very successful but had to go out of business due to depression. He had such an incredibly sad look. He was inpatient for weeks on end, doing ECT, which was not helping at the time when I met him but hopefully finally delivered on its promise later. That person really really made me aware of how deep endogenous (non-situational) depression can be. I am certainly a much lighter case than he is, and I would never need ECT. I still remember his sad face.

After that hospitalization, I went to a residential treatment house. One resident was a professional chef. He used to be employed by rich people as a creative chef. He loved what he did. Even in the residential treatment he enjoyed barbecuing for everyone. But he had incredibly sad eyes even when he cooked. His wife and daughter, both blonde and good-looking as well, a picture of a perfect family, lived very far away and could not visit often. The last penny was spent on his treatment and he was not improving. Despite medications and therapy performed in the residential treatment he became horribly suicidal. It was just endogenous - he had everything going for him situationally, a good family and a good profession he enjoyed. He went inpatient at the advice of his T. To Stanford's acute (locked) unit. There, he was told that his only way out would be CBT. I do not keep in touch with those people so I do not know whether he has followed through on this piece of advice. Again, I saw just how horrible and deep non-situational depression can be.