Quote:
Originally Posted by landskaperdan
...is it not normal to have sui. plan. just knowing how you would do it if it ever came to that?
(and added from next post...)like one that you carry around with you in the back of your head? that's relatively normal, right?
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Relatively normal or not, I related to what you are saying right away. Read the rest of the thread, to find Secretum pretty well expressed what I think too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretum
I think that it is "normal" to have a plan in the back of your head if you have felt suicidal before, which most bipolar people have. So, I think it's normal for a bipolar person.
I'm doing really well right now, no suicidality or other depressive symptoms, but I still know what I would do if I needed to end my life, because I have made these plans before. It's the simple result of having a memory.
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I'd only diverge from this in thinking that simply (sorry for poor word choice) having felt suicidal might not generate this. Maybe this is my view because of comparing suicidality from 2 different depressions (not that there's just been 2(!!!)), one of which I carry with me and the other which I do not. Both times involved feeling suicidal. Both times had a "how". The one I carry with me is ...different. I think it comes down to specificity. It took more than just feeling suicidal, even with a how.
Anyhow. Back to the one I actually do carry. I can say that
when I came up with it, I was definitely a danger to myself. The sheer amount of research and calculation as well as procurement is testament to that. At that time, the criteria of "having a plan" as being ER Time applied for sure (not that I went). BUT, since that time, I do not
personally, consider that the criteria FOR MYSELF. However, I
do have criteria lines. I experience the knowledge on 4 levels. First level doesn't even phase me. Second level has a fairly wide span, but I've ridden this planet in its circling of the sun enough times to be aware of how I do and do not react within it, and act accordingly. The third is quite dangerous, the fourth is a definite emergency.
Maybe instead of calling it "normal", we could call it "not terribly unusual" (for our subgroup, not people in general). Or maybe it
is terribly unusual. (?) I'm not saying it's a good thing, but neither am I going to pretend it isn't my reality. All I know is that it doesn't bother me. I'd go further than that but, nah...
Long and short: Know thyself. Different things are problematic for different people for different reasons. If it bothers you, or you think it probably
should be bothering you, it is something worth looking into.
