So since last Friday night I have been aware of my wife's emotional affairwith my now ex-best friend. We are starting therapy tonight and I am hoping and praying that the therapist will be neutral and help us both see the communication breakdown we have... but I also kinda hope she will tell my wife that she was wrong and she needs to understand that she hurt me immensely too.

Since Friday my wife will not say I love you to me. She just has "too much going on" in her head. She will talk with me, joke with me, wink at me, make plans for vacation and such with me... but no affection... no I love you too... just silence when I tell her I love her.

Part of me thinks its guilt, part of me thinks she has seen the way I have been trying to just be around her and talk and listen and she's afraid that if she softens I will stop trying... will the therapist tell her that's unhealthy for us? What is going on... she still says she is hopeful we can save our marriage... am I going to have to do all the work for a while???

I am willing, but I am so cold and lonely. If she still loves me (and heck, when I confronted my ex-friend/current jerk said he she still loved me). Is. She grieving over her loss too? That sucks and hurts but it makes sense... wow that hurts even to type.

I forgive her... she hurt me badly here too and I really hope the therapist can help her see she had a part to play in the breakdown too... but that she has a lot to make up for with what she did too. I need her to see that the cold shoulder is not what is motivating me... its my love for her... and she is killing me slowly right now.

Well... I can't sleep again... my bed is cold and lonely... might as well get an early start on the morning. Sigh.