I assume that your therapist will encourage you to express how much your wife hurt you and may go so far as to express how much emotional affairs are the same as physical ones and how hurtful they are, but I don't know that the therapist will come right out and say that your wife was wrong. Be prepared for the therapist to cover why your wife engaged in the affair to begin with...and this could, of course, bring up issues that your wife may have with you. I think it all depends on the therapist on how far he/she will go in offering up any kind of personal opinion.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this...It may be that she's not offering up "I love you" because she doesn't want to just say it out of habit. Her reasons for starting the affair may just mean that she's not ready....the fact that she started an affair with your ex-best friend may mean that she initially turned to him to discuss issues in your marriage...maybe just to get his perspective as your friend. This is dangerous ground, and I've seen this kind of thing often turn into an affair...emotional or otherwise.

The affair may be over and she's open to therapy and working on the marriage, but I'm wondering if she's angry over something....(please don't take this to mean that she had any right to have an affair...I'm just trying to see her possible side of things in an attempt to understand her behaviour).