like when not engaging in your particular type of "ED behavior" that you are "failing" the ED itself? I hope that made sense, cause that's where I am at right now. Yeah, not purging in the last 5 days has made me "more present," or whatever (according to my T) but I feel like I am betraying it/betraying myself.

MESSED UP or WHAT.?

Thanks for reading if you did. Just had to put that out there.