Lost. that is a simple way to put it. I would call myself lost because that is much easier than facing where it is that I really am.

sure, there is depression and hypomania.....

and then there is what happens the rest of the time. the rest of the time is why I am lost. It roots back to when I was a child. I hated myself. I despised myself. I learned to do this cuz this is how everyone else looked at me too. I was never ever going to be anything to anyone growing up and I never was, and that is still with me today.

I get pretty far with people anymore, and in life, and then it's like, where do I go from here. that's when my self destruction comes in and I want to burn all the bridges before they burn me and such.

is this the kind of lost that you are feeling. the always desperate kind of lost.

if so, i understand.