Are you in denial? I don't say that in a sarcastic or mean way. I'm really curious. The thing that I see is something that i don't see addressed here. I am all for you both getting counseling for your issues whatever they may be. I don't recall if I've seen your marriage issues posted elsewhere so i can't address them directly but what i will say is that no matter what they were, my thoughts would probably remain the same.

The thing is an affair, whether emotional or physical is a huge blow to your relationship, your self esteem, your trust and so many other things that help to make a relationship strong and fulfilling. Now I am not one to "hold a grudge" against someone, that is what happens when you keep hanging onto hurts beyond a reasonable amount of time after someone's shown regret and attempted to make things up to you. What I am for is holding someone accountable for their actions and at least from waht you've said, it seems like this serious offense to you and your marriage has been kind of glossed over.

Why are you going out of your way to constantly give her attention and tell her "I love you" so much? I'm not saying you should completely withdraw but in my mind this situation is completely backward. WTF is she giving you the cold shoulder? She is the one that should be going out of her friggin way to gain your trust back, and work to repair the marriage too. It seems to me that, and I'm saying this in the nicest way, you're being walked all over. She has wronged you and you're the one going out of your way -- probably out of fear, to gain her back. No matter what your offenses in the marriage, if any, she made the choice to have an emotional affair with another. You're not in the wrong here and although I'm not here to say you need to "punish" her for it, nevertheless I don't think you should be going out of your way to pour on the love. That's like rewarding her for what she did in my mind. I mean I can understand your position. Heck I might, without thinking react the same way and do that too but as an outsider, I can see how this is not good. At the very least it should be mutual and she should be giving to you the love you deserve. If it were one sided, and she were the one going out of her way but you were giving the cold shoulder, it would be more understandable in this situation but again, it all just seems backward.

If she really wants the relationship to work, you should play a little hard to get and back off a little IMO. She's not willing to say she loves you or anything. I'm just saying, be a little cooler about it and don't do it so much. She needs to come after you and show you she's all there for you. If she doesn't, that just says she's really not fully in the marriage with you.

I wish I had a more positive note for you. I'm just being honest.