Could you "pretend" to like someone, to work hard at helping them just for money? Why think therapists can? They can't "invest" themselves in working with you, learning about your problems and imagining what it's like to be you without "liking" you. You're brave, sharing with her your feelings and life, you're working hard at getting well, what's not to like? Other people don't see us as we think we look (which isn't necessarily how we "feel" about ourselves) anymore than we see them as they think or feel about themselves. Think how "helpful" your therapist seems to you and think about how helpful you are online here sometimes, how you think about other people's posts and problems? They're exactly the same! Your T isn't a special being of some sort, super caring, super helpful and knowing all about you; she can only know what you tell her, as you tell her, can only feel about you what she sees and reports to you. She is honest so if she says she cares, just accept it on faith and use it to help you. Sometimes T's make mistakes too in their work and knowing that your T cares about you, isn't out to "get" you or hurt you can come in very handy! I use to "credit" my T for "trying" even if she didn't understand what I said. She WANTS to understand and that's almost as good as the actual understanding because in the end it's only us individually who are going to do the work and change ourselves/our perceptions and ways of feeling/being. The T's are just along for the ride, for the companionship they offer. They aren't actually "doing" anything, that's all us. Recognize her caring for you and "lean into" it so you learn to know that no matter what happens in therapy, how scary it is, how angry you get, how often you have to tell her something because she doesn't remember, etc. she's there with you, trying to "follow" alongside you as you work your way to better mental health. Much easier to discuss scary subjects with someone you trust and who trusts you to be able to confront and deal with whatever comes up.