well.... it's one of the few times i am actually near tears and everyone has gotten home. so I need to go sit down in the shower for a while to cool off and get a grip on this task at hand. this sucks, james. this really hurts today and i don't know why today is any different than any other day. it's supposed to be a good day.

I dont' cry. i don't let myself. i internalize everything and i don't cry. i'm not about to now.