WOW!!! im so sorry to hear that your feeling this way still after two years. Have you tried any thereapy counseling? I just started counseling two weeks ago and it does help a little but I am going to look for a different thereapist because I really dont feel im connected with her. But with that said I going to look for someone I can connect with. Im guessing the guilt from being unfaithfull is still haunting you. Im guessing you realized what you had after it was gone but did not know at the time? Im kinda a forgiving person even though that would hurt me a lot. Do you two still talk or anything, have you told him how you feel and what you have been doing.