T

Don't you realise how unfair this is? I can't believe how clearly you keep demonstrating how little I matter to you. It has really hurt me. It's so unfair that I'm losing this relationship because you took up this second job. Now that you're so much busier and see many more people, you've stop giving me what I need, you stopped being patient or kind to me. You started being quite mean.

You've lectured me about how I'm not trying (and for goodness sake I've turned my entire life around with your help, so even if it looks like not trying to you while I'm there in your office, that's clearly not the case). You've changed boundaries and then told me last Tuesday "we have to be careful of boundaries because of your personality issues. I have to be vigilant". Excuse me? I never asked for a single, single, one off, tiny thing from you outside of my sessions for the first three and a half years or so. So what exactly did you mean? Clearly I'm just some horrible boundary stomper. You've told me I wouldn't be a good mother and that I'd be like my mother. I don't care if you cleared that up by saying you were trying to provoke me into action. It wasn't okay to say that, because I'm nothing like her. It wasn't okay to say it because your belief that I'm a better person than I am has always made me better. Now you seem to think I'm worse than I am. It was not okay because I was clearly devastated by the huge list of things like that that you managed to say in that bad hour, and you just didn't stop. I told you how dreadful it was making me feel and you just repeated all the negative things back to me again. I told you that you were making me feel like a number when you kept comparing me to other clients and telling me how much better they do, and that you forget my details because they all say the same thing as me. You answered "it's just the reality". Now you've taken to treating me like I am below you. What were you thinking? I HAD to record my session or else you were going to? So not okay!

Now you're not letting me talk about that stuff or the huge, huge list of other important stuff that has gone wrong since then. No, you're clearly causing me pain so like you said, it would perhaps be best if I don't see you. Just like that, you are gone. During the worst time, you leave me. I don't mean right at the end either. You've left me already. You have not been there for me. Considering how important you are to me, that you're my one and only person, the only one I've really had any support or caring from, considering you mean everything to me and that most of all I'm not even heartbroken about losing your help, I'm heartbroken about losing touch with a way to know how you are in the world, this whole situation is totally unfair.

Me.