Well, this is what I know. I wasn't there when my mom died but I was there to see her in the hospital bed, and that stays with me. But I felt I neve got a chance to say goodbye. She was gone before she was gone, if you know what I mean, in her mind she was not all there anymore. But I was at my aunt's house when she passed away. I was just a kid, so I was staying there when mom was in the hospital.

Now, my dad is dying. His heart is bad. Any minute it could go, and there isn't anything they can do. So what has he done, push me away as hard as he can. So now, he too is gone before he's gone, and I won't get to say goodbye and our last words will be full of anger.

So.... I don't know which is better. But, I would have liked to say goodbye to my mom at least. If not for her, then for me, maybe that's the selfish part.