I emailed T on Sunday and she replied on Monday thanking me for sharing how I felt and how we would process what might have triggered it together. She later confirmed it was dissociation.

She explained it like my body was retreating to a safe place because it felt compromised by what we were talking about, and she also said she didn't want to re-traumatize me, but that if I'm reacting so strongly to even the mention of a particular word, then it might be valuable to talk through it, taking breaks to talk "fluff" as we go along so I am slowly confronting it instead of just hurling me into treacherous waters without any floating devices, so to speak. Not sure how I feel about it. We've got a lot to work on, I just hope she doesn't give up on me when I'm trying so hard to reveal these parts of myself to her.

MKAC, she did suggest feeling my feet on the ground, haha. I thought of you when she mentioned it. I felt so silly explaining what happened, and I was embarrassed to admit loss of control of my body. As the words "my body felt like it was backing into the walls" left my mouth, I thought, this is is it! I'm getting jumped by funny farm doctors when I leave! but she was very understanding.

Glad it's out there, though. She can't help me if she's not aware of it.