((((Big Mama))))

I am sorry that you fight your tears ~ it sounds like they really want to come out. It sounds as though you try to repress the emotions, to stop crying.

That's my interpretation anyway. I do the same whenever I feel tears are close. For some reason, I feel a huge sense of shame and self-hate when I cry. So, crying doesn't help me feel any better in stressful or emotional times.

Have you tried physically letting out some of these emotions? Beating up pillows or snapping rubber bands? Listening to some emotional music might help; coloring, taking a relaxing bath; puzzles; exercising; baking; cleaning; etc. Hopefully, a few of these activities will help relieve you of these intense emotions that you're suffering from.

Gentle hugs to you...