Ive never tried to gain help from anyone regarding my problems. Everyone i know wants my life as it seems so perfect. Perfect husband, full of love, coping with life well... But when they arent there im not that person. I dont even know where to start explaining because everytime i try to start somewhere all of it comes rushing to my mind and i cant make sense of it.

im angry. Unexplainable anger where im shouting and crying uncontrollably at my husband and child. Im saying hurtful things and i know if i carry on my daughter and husband will hate me the way i hate my family. I control my food intake and have done since i was 8. I have a prescribed drug problem, i use it to get me through my working day as it makes me feel happy. Anything sets me off even something like my daughter messing her room up. Shes 3, she doesnt realise that mummy only tidyed it up 10 minutes ago, i know this but i cant help thinking whats the point? whats the point of trying when everything is left to me to hold up?

its like im at the bottom holding everything together and nobody realises. i dont even know if this makes sense. i dont know how to pinpoint where the problem came from and sort it out. i just need someone to talk to or guide me in the right direction. i just need help from all these thoughts and past memories and embarrassment