Speed, I hope you do better at the hospital. I think you and your husband are going through something together yet seperately. I know my dad made me go to grief counceling when my mom died, but he refused to go himself. He needed it very badly, but never went.

You will get better in time. I didn't lose a kid, I lost my mom when I was a kid. I have never gotten over her, either. It's been 20 years. And, I still miss her and I still have grief for her not being her. I've never healed to 100%, but I would say I'm at 75% or maybe even 80%. But whatever it is, it's enough to get through the day and live, and carry her around with me always in my head and my heart.

So, take the hospital stay and use it for as much healing as you can get. Right now you are at the beginning, and you will get better in time. And, Jason is in the other world, like my mom is there, too. And I don't think she would want me to commit suicide, she'd want me to live. And I bet Jason wants the same for you.