First off, I have been in therapy for 2 years now - going once a week to a T who has helped me tremendously. I am stronger, healthier and more whole then I've ever been in my life.

Because of my growth, I realized that my marriage was very bad and I was tolerating insane things that I should never be tolerating. I gave my husband an ultimatum: change the behavior or get out.

It has been 5 weeks and, to my surprise, he is changing his behavior. He has seen a therapist 3 times, we have seen a Christian marriage counselor 3 times and our communication skills are better.

Now the problem. I had a very traumatic childhood, and I'll leave it at that. I processed it several times and did EMDR. I admit I don't like thinking about or talking about my childhood as it makes me feel panicky.

My husband has now come to realize that he too has had some very bad instances of abuse. He is also doing EMDR. He and the Christian counselor are telling me that I have to go back and reprocess my old memories (with the Christian counselor and his EMDR counselor) for 3 reasons:

1. the fact that I don't remember all the trauma to them means that I am not over it
2. my husband says that my current behavior is a result of past trauma, again that I am not over it
3. Any work I did previously on this issue was done in a secular way and therefore wasn't blessed by God

I spoke to my therapist who said that since I had done the work previously and that I was in the best place of my life, it was okay not to go back and revisit my old haunts.

My husband, on the other hand, thinks that I have chosen my therapist over him and that I should be following his lead, since he is doing his therapy with God.

I want to be united with God, have Him as my main source of healing and live according to His principles. But I don't want to start down a road of pain that may or may not lead to me being in a better place.

Can anyone help me make sense of what I should do?

Thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long.