I agree with mrskid. I also understand about what you mean about being afraid to tell people because you are afraid they will say you are too fat. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Welcome to PC, and I hope that you find help here! It is definitely a great way to get out your feelings, and maybe with support, you will feel eventually like you WANT that help, too. But if not, that is okay, just posting and sharing is good. (I know I am still struggling with all the contradictory feelings too...)