Jay, I am so sorry you are struggling like this, I went for a while myself without therapy because I could not afford it either. But then I got so bad that I began looking and found a therapist that gave me a break and charged me 1/2 what he normally charges. So, if you can see what you "can" afford, I suggest you try to see if you can find a T you can work with.

At least you have PC, that helped me alot too. At least you have access to others that understand, and yes it is hard to recover and "heal" from a history of abuse, but you "can" work through it. I have seen you posting around the forums, it is clear to me you are a caring and "nice" person. You deserve to get validated and help in your healing.

(((Hugs))))

Open Eyes