I have many girlfriends who rely on support from parents. Childcare, emotional support, family ties, what have you. I envy them, because I have never had this kind of support. I needed to be very far from my parents to live on my own.

But what I see is that those who really benefit from this kind of support are those who have solid r/s with parents without issues. No abandonment, no rocky r/s, no nothing. Those are really happy. For them, the support does not come with a price. Everything is fluid and easy.

Those who have a rocky, conflicted r/s with the parents (in the case of my specific girlfriends, mothers, for better or worse), the support comes with a huge price.

One eventually settled on her own in another country, with husband and daughter, but she is very, very mentally well. As well as they come, really.

Another is struggling but hopeful that eventually she would be on her own. She is mentally well, but divorced and in on occupation that requires frequent absences for many days, so she needs the child to stay with the grandparents for now. But she has hopes that one day she and her daughter would live completely on their own. This is due to long-standing conflict between my girlfriend and her mother.

Being mentally ill amplifies the difficulties. There are many PROs and CONs that you have to consider very carefully. How old is your son? Will you need childcare and if so, who will provide it? Who will be your p-doc and T upstate? What about the support network upstate - would you be able to find friends etc? It is cheaper upstate - what would you do with the extra money? Have you ever lived alone?