correct not physically harmed, but it did leave a mental scar.

Anyway.... It's been about a week, since I wanted to si. And now after all that I have been through... okay I'm just going nuts. I have to tell someone, it might as well be here with all of you.

Had to take a friend into the behavioral unit, and now I'm having to deal with the fall out. What I mean...... okay, I knew exactly how he was feeling, and then after I left him, I went immediately to a band rehearsal. Afterwards, I was going to practice for a little bit, before I realized that I hadn't checked my mail. I then looked over the edge of a second floor, big mistake.... I can't even type what was going through my head. then the next day, I went up to see him, only to be back there and find out that he had been transfered....... now I can't get a hold of him.... but what is worse is how I am feeling now. I wanted to si tonight, but got distracted, still want to, if only just to deal with all of the thoughts of how my friend is doing.

Tried to work out earlier, which helped for a bit, but everything has been just adding on to each other. I've been distracting myself as best as I can, but well, it's just not working. SI is the best option, and yet I still can't due to lack of opportunity.

I'm just trying to get through the next few days. Oh and on top of all this, I wont see my T until next week. AHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh and to add to it, things are coming from my past that I just can't deal with. Boy do I hate my life right now.

thanks for reading.