I didn't really think to post about it when my grandparents died during the last year. It seems off that now I want to post about losing my animals, and they aren't even going to be lost forever. I guess nobody is really lost forever, but parting and letting go is always hard. For me, sending away the creatures I care about is not far removed from mourning for them. I won't have control. I can hope that they have good lives, even better than I have been able to provide for them, but I don't know, and I feel bad that I couldn't give them everything that I should have.

Tomorrow someone will come and pick up my goats and sheep and take them away. They should all have good homes. I can probably get some of them back after I move and get set up for them, that is if I get a house where I can have them, and right now it looks like we probably will, even if only because I can't let go of that possibility.

I have already spent days crying when I just tried to make myself consider giving that up. I don't think that I can do that. I'm not feeling it right now, but I probably will tomorrow. The most that I have ever cried in my life has been when I have given up (sold or given away) substantial parts of my flock or herd. I cry hysterically and can't stop every time. Whether it's for good reason or whether I did it mostly to hurt myself. So if I'm rather off tomorrow, this will be why.



Rap