I read your post, if that helps, someone else reading your posts, i don't quite understand what you're deling with are you a person that cuts themselves when they want to feel pain, i'm lost for words when people i've met in the hospitals do that. I met someone who was so young and was doing such a thing. i'll never understand it but would like to as it's always bothered me that I couldn't help someone who would do such a thing.Do you have a reason you could remembr, maybe a abusive person in your life? Well i hope you yourself could find a place to get help and therapy. avlady