Thank you for the replies. I agree that I need to learn to start talking about the affair as it is this deep dark secret that has been haunting me. I have only told one friend about it and the rest of my family and friends just think we split up because we weren't getting along, etc. It is not something I want to come out and say to everyone. I probably will try therapy at some point again because it has been 2 years and I am not feeling any better whatsoever.