Hi so there is this woman i am infatuated with, she has a boyfriend and she's probably going to marry him, and also even if she was single I am not capable of having a relationship with anyone as i recently found out.

Anyway I keep dreaming about her. The first dream I was robbing her house and then she came home and caught me. Another dream she had cancer and in the dream I was glad she had cancer, even though she's a nice woman as far as I can tell so I have no reason to wish her any harm, and I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone anyway. When I woke up I was glad it was all a dream.

Obviously I am just jealous of her.

I am mostly over her these days, and I haven't seen her for like 2 months, just wish i could be more like her, but again i am starting to feel that this is impossible. I have a certain physical and mental conditions and i wish she would have something too. I comfort myself by thinking that maybe she has painful but otherwise harmless cysts on her ovaries or something. Something that would make her human and vulnerable and flawed as I am.