thanks suzy

Froggie..you took a course that let you vent? What was that like? I mean did you have to express yourself and say things in the class? or am I misunderstanding? I remember when I was hospitalized for the fist time that they put us in this room and gave us phone books or a towel that had been rolled up and had tape all around it and we were either suppose to bang the towel on the floor or rip the phone book to shreds all the while shouting or cussing about what we were angry about..I would just sit there..amazed by all the others in the room..shouting and cussing..watching their anger..I remember the counselors coming in and trying to work with me..TRYING to make me angry..it never worked..I most of the time ended up laughing..how sad is that?! They eventually pulled me from the room and let me work on art projects..LOL

The thing with me and talking about my anger is I end up feeling extremely guilty..so my guilt holds me back..I think..I have friends..here for instance..but I feel guilty because I know you all have problems of your own to deal with..or my friends IRL..I feel guilty because I feel like a burden..and for oh so long..I was that burden..and I don't want to be that anymore..and my husband..well that is a completely different story..and we will leave it at that..

my anger is boiling over as you say..but there has to be a way that I can control it in a healthy way..right? a way that is healthy for me and for those that I love..I plan on finding that way..because obviously what I have been doing before is not working..wish me luck!!