I'm sorry for your predicament, I know of several people I've met through others or just grew up with and my own experience that cheating isn't all that bad as some other things that could have happened, you need to talk it out with someone even f you have to repeat it several times until you can't stand hearing your own voice anymore, you should only do that with a therapist I think, as otherwise some people get sick of it, and you can lose friends.The feelings seem raw still so that probably doesn't help, but they can heal at least subside in the years to come, you could meet someone new, or just have fun as a single person- avlady