Yes, it does help to talk to other people who have been through these things. Sometimes I feel guilty complaining because I do have a strong support system here, while there are others who are completely alone. If not for them, I would be on the streets, literally.

I'm sorry you get migraines as well. I hope that you have something that can either prevent or stop them when they start. When I first found my Dr., the medications helped, but now I wish I never heard of them. They barely help, yet stopping them would mean being in a continuous state of breakthrough, and withdrawl, at the doses I'm on, could well be fatal. I'm not afraid of pain per say. I'm afraid of the tolerance to the drugs with no where else to go med wise. At one point, my doc said if I were a terminal cancer patient, he would just keep uping the doses and if I died, so be it. That isn't the case though.

Usually, trying to help other people here takes my mind off my own depression, but not lately. My parents have been very supportive, though three states away, and I don't want them to know how depressed I am. I put them through hell for years with suicide attempts. They already had another son who was one year older than I and becoming psychotic. My younger brother started partying, staying out all night, probably to stay out of the mess at home. That is a lot for a married couple, yet they stayed together and still have a great relationship. I don't want them to spend their last years worrying whether or not their son is going to off himself. They know about the physical pain becuase of all the surgical procedures to place a stimulator. Right now, they send me some pre-will money when I'm in trouble which is very embarrassing.

This is getting too long and the light too bright. Thank you for your support. Its time to get back into the dark.

Sam2