Hello and welcome Jcwinpain....I'm so sorry about all you're dealing with. Actually I mainly want to echo what Rohag has said in his post, as it was pretty much what I was about to write. Depression itself is a huge thing to deal with, but from what I understand there are a lot of external factors in your life that tie in. Sounds like there's a lot of "untangling" to do, and that's why there are so many caring professionals out there who have the most knowledge about such things....and therefore the most ability to help. If you have not already, I hope you will reach out to them. Best Wishes ~whimsy ps....If you have a primary care doctor who you like then you might start there, or if not then perhaps with your county's Health and Human Services Department ~Mental Health branch.