Hi "JC" ~ And welcome. I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry you're suffering so badly. I can certainly relate to depression since I've had it since I was about 4 or 5 yrs old. I didn't get any treatment for it tho because my parents were too busy getting drunk. I got treatment finally when I was in my 20's after I left home.

You may have clinical depression like I do. It's when the hormones, etc., in our brains are not adequate, and we need to have them replace by medication. I've been taking medication for over 30 years, and will have to take it for the rest of my life. If you've been suffering for years, it's possible you'll need medication permanently too --- but that has to be determined by a professional.

Have you ever seen a therapist? If not, I urge you to do so. You need a definite diagnosis, and besides therapy would be VERY beneficial to you right now. Therapy cannot cure depression, but it can help us learn how to cope and give us tools in dealing with it. But in clinical depression, the ultimate tool is medication.

As for your affair -- are you sure your "friend" is ignoring you because people found out and he thinks it's best to wait? Or is it possible he actually just called it quits and didn't tell you? I have a feeling it's probably the latter. I don't want to hurt you by saying that, but most men in that situation don't want to be put thru the "mess" of dealing with the husband and going thru the scandal of the divorce. Does your husband know about it? If so, how did he react and does he want a divorce?

I would hope, my friend, that you would be open to marriage counseling. I would hope that you would be open to trying to save your marriage. Most importantly, your children are the ones who will be hurt. The children ALWAYS get hurt in a divorce -- and many times they are traumatized for many years to come. My granddaughter is one of them. Her parents (her Mom is my daughter) divorced when she was 7 yrs old, and she's 17 now and she's been in therapy for one year due to this. We THOUGHT she had dealt well with it, but things began manifesting in ways that led us to believe that something was wrong --- and we finally got her to tell us. It was the divorce -- so off the therapy we sent her. She's doing well now, thank God, but it was difficult before we knew what was going on.

Your children deserve 2 parents --- I know that's not always possible and if you are being abuse, then certainly get out! But if there's any chance at all, please try. I wish you the very best. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee