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Originally Posted by onionknight
^ So the lightbox was a good investment? Maybe I'll save up for one.
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I personally think it was. I thought it would be a drag using it every morning, but so far I hop out of bed every morning and use it with no problem. I think it's been helpful.
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Do you swim regurarly as excersize? Do you think you think more while swimming because you can't listen to music or talk? If so, what ramifications does that have? I always liked excersize because it was just me and my thoughts to decompress, but too much silence makes me anxious.
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I've been aiming for variety. So far it's been swimming and walking - and one day I used an aerobics video. I'm thinking about adding a bike at some point too.
I think too much no matter what I'm doing. Yesterday I took my dog for a walk at the dog park. We have a great off leash park near my house - walking paths through woods and even a little creek. It's very nice. Being out in nature takes me out of my thoughts, so I do like that.
I just learned to swim last January, so there's still a lot I can challenge myself with. For example I usually take a breath every other stroke in the front crawl. I've been working on breathing every fourth stroke. Also trying to alternate sides. Those challenges help keep my mind focused on what I'm doing.
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I'm sort of worried why I feel so run down.
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Maybe you're coming down with something?
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it seems to take the edge off the really bad feelings (you know like the feeling that I'll be going crazy any minute now so I better kill myself before I become an even worse failure)
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I've suffered so much from starting and stopping meds lately ...
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Sounds like you need to be gentle and non-judgmental with yourself right now. I do think this program has been useful for me, and I'd recommend it to others. Just do the best you can. If you don't have the energy for 30 minutes of vigorous exercise, maybe a 10 minute stroll - with the sun on your face if you can arrange it - would be enough for now.
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Honestly, I don't think any drug can help me.
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Well, this program might be helpful. And personally I like various kinds of CBT, DBT, and mindfulness approaches.
Nothing will completely irradicate all the bad feelings. This is something I'm wrestling with right now. I have this fantasy in which I find a way never to feel anxious, irritable, tired, etc., etc., etc., again. Ain't gonna happen. But even though I know it ain't gonna happen, it still feels like failure to have negative emotions. Stupid, isn't it?
I discovered a researcher on vulnerability and shame last week. Brene Brown. I'd never heard of her. She says when we try to numb our negative feelings, we numb our positive feelings too. Makes perfect sense, but it's so easy to forget.
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I need to work on the social aspect of this program, usually it's my mom and the internet I talk to in a given day...
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The social aspects will be hard for me too. I haven't read that chapter yet to see if he has any suggestions. My social contacts are family and coworkers mostly. (I'm not counting Internet contacts.) Basically I'm an introvert and very happy alone. I'll have to force myself if I need to extend my social life beyond work and home/family. I'm not even sure how to do that.