|
It's getting heavier and harder and more suffocating literally consuming me on the insides. Oh and family are making it hell, everyone gets nervous oh yer I know they do. But they don't have to sit here stuck with you lot just wanting to claw your whole insides out because the anxiety I felt is that extreme and have to not say a words because you lot like it when I shut up but then I have no release and get stuck in negative thinking and self-destructive behaviour and way of life all because they keep me this way all because I was never allowed to think and feel anything always shut up MIP, you don't mean that, you spent too much time with others this is not you, SORRY BUT IT IS AND I JUST WANT TO MY HORRIBLE EXISTANCE TO BE DESTORYED SO BADLY BECAUSE I CAN'T COPE OR EVER BE HOW I WOULD LIKE TO BE FUCTIONING AS EXPECTED, I just don't have that in me you all as well as my own input and doing caved out all of the person I once was. There is nothing inside me but the hollow shadow of bones and skin that never decade along with me. I just want to shatter my lasting body into pieces.... sort of like cracking open an Easter egg but the only feel good thing would be my pain gone and my rotting existence not decaying into the world I live around.
I AM NOT GOING TO ACT ON THIS BUT I NEED TO GET THIS OUT WHERE I CAN SAY ALL WHAT I LIKE WITH OUT FEEL MORE RUBBISH AND PAIN BECAUSE I AQM NOT ALLOWED TO SHARE HOW I FEEL WITH ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS DISREGARDING ME OR GOING MAYBE THEY SHOULD CART YOU OFF. FAMILY IS A DISTRUCTIVE THING OR BECAUSE MANY IF NOT ALLOW F MY FAMILY ARE SHRUGGLING WITH DIFFERENT BUT CONSIDER MORE PROBLEMS THAN MIP THINK OF THEM THEY ARE GOING THROUGH A LOT ARR WAY TO ADD GUILT.
|