I hate it so much when I lose a post like that, it's infuriating especially when you already feel awful.

You have a way with words, this post is very expressive of feelings that are hard to find words for. I'm glad you wrote this in spite of losing your other post. I can relate all too well to that anger you've described here, I know of that darkness you're describing.

I don't know you, but I do care about you as much as someone can by reading someone else's post on the internet can. I care that you are feeling this way, I care that you carry that darkness all the time. I care and I understand what it's like to just want to be loved, but to have all of this pervasive darkness get in the way of that happening. I am sorry you are in so much pain.