Welcome to the forum. I agree with the above poster that there are definitely red flags in your post as far as BPD traits go. Whether or not that's your main issue, I don't know. The right professional can help you sort that out, but finding someone who is willing to even "go there" is tough, not very many mental health professionals want to deal with BPD. It's a difficult thing to diagnosis, and difficult to treat though not impossible by any means, it's just that most professionals at least from what I know do not have the experience, training, or knowledge to be able to treat BPD patients effectively so they avoid making the diagnosis(and honestly this makes me angry, but that's another topic entirely).

I hope that you can find out what's going on with you, and get the proper support and help that you deserve so you can live a happier and healthier life. You are not alone here.