[QUOTE=Innerzone;2836444]How long have you been taking the antidepressant? Why I ask is ... wouldn't it be kind of unusual to develop a side effect after so many years (the 5 years on the Geodon)?? And.... I've had this jaw-clenching you speak of, and it was because of a couple different ADs I was on. It's awful! The constant tension was bad enough, but most disconcerting was when I couldn't close my mouth right! Normally, teeth align a certain way so the back teeth come together, right? No could do. The front teeth would run into each other, keeping the back ones separated and off kilter to boot. Oooooh, how I'd try to relax and reposition. It just wouldn't happen. This was a very common state of affairs when a GP had me only on ADs (yeah, that went all kind of wrong in a lot of other ways too!). The only upside(!) of not having other meds was knowing the ADs were the culprit for sure (for me, that is).
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Just throwing that out there because (as I read it) it seems a foregone conclusion that it's the Geodon. But maybe it isn't.
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That's interesting how your AD was the culprit. I am sooo afraid to mess with my AD as I have been depression-free for about 6 years (I've been on Lexapro for a little over 8 years). In all honesty, I'd rather be manic or psychotic than deeply depressed as that hole is just so awful (to say the least). But I will entertain the idea and run it past my pdoc to get her input.
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I see your point. But. It still seems it really isn't wanting off meds, but wanting meds to not give you unacceptable side-effects. The side-effects are WHY you are lowering them, after all. (Unlike the BP MO like when I mess with them --because everything's all good -- don't need 'em now! Lol.) That you feel willing to go below a useful dosage is simply testament of how strongly you feel about the side effects. Not meds themselves.
Speaking in terms of side-effects is the way to go with your Pdoc.
You've got a good guess there about projection. (I, too, have a huge fear of getting in trouble -- no matter how unlikely, I will feel sure it is likely(!)  Feel ya!) You will be fine. You are an adult meeting with them to discuss a completely valid concern. (Write that down and repeat to yourself if necessary.  )
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Thanks for reframing my thought on just wanting to alleviate side effects and not actually wanting to come off my meds. Although, coming off my meds would be nice, I'm aware of the consequences. I'm just now frustrated to find that balance between a therapeutic dose and tolerable side effects of which side effects weren't an issue till now.